Here's what separates men who are seen as "just friends" from men who create sexual attraction:
Conversation.
Most men stick to safe topics: hobbies, interests, values, work. These build connection. They're important.
But if those are all you discuss, you'll end up friendzoned.
To be a sexual option to her, you need to talk about sexual topics: attraction, dating, relationships, past experiences, desires, fantasies.
These conversations signal that you see her as a sexual being (which she is) and that you're comfortable with sexuality (which makes her comfortable too).
The good news? This doesn't require manipulation or tricks. It requires understanding how conversation creates attraction, then executing with confidence and respect.
This guide gives you 21 specific questions organized by intensity level. Use them to escalate conversations naturally and build real sexual chemistry.
The Foundation: Owning Your Sexuality (The Critical Mindset Shift)
Before you ask a single question, you need to understand the psychology of why these questions work.
Women and Sexual Shame
Most women grow up with a message: "Expressing sexuality is wrong. Good girls don't talk about sex. Sexual women are seen as slutty or easy."
This creates sexual shame, especially for women. Many won't initiate sexual conversations. They won't signal their interest first. They wait for you to normalize sexuality.
Your Role: Permission-Giver
When you bring up sexual topics confidently (without shame or apology), you give her permission to embrace her own sexuality.
You're saying: "Sexual conversation is normal. It's healthy. It's not weird or wrong. Let's talk about it."
When she sees that you're comfortable with sexuality, she becomes comfortable too.
The Two Guys Story
Imagine two men both asking sexual questions:
Guy #1: Approaches nervously and asks, "Who do you think is more kinky—men or women?" He looks ashamed. When she seems taken aback, he apologizes repeatedly. "Sorry, that was weird. I didn't mean to be inappropriate."
Result? She agrees it was weird. He leaves humiliated.
Guy #2: Same setting, different approach. He asks confidently, "Do you think women masturbate more than men?" When she seems surprised, he doesn't apologize. Instead, he says with a smile, "Come on, we're all grown-ups here. We all do it. It's natural. Plus it's fun to talk about."
Result? Her shock turns into a smile. She answers. They have a playful conversation.
Same question. Completely different outcomes.
The difference? Guy #2 owned his sexuality. He didn't ask for permission to talk about sex. He assumed it was normal and healthy. And she responded by embracing her own sexuality.
The Mindset You Need
Before using these questions, internalize this:
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Sexual conversation is completely normal and healthy
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Women enjoy talking about sexuality as much as men do
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You're not being weird or inappropriate, you're normalizing healthy sexual dialogue
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If she's uncomfortable, that's on her shame (not you), and you handle it gracefully
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Your comfort with sexuality is attractive
When to Escalate: Timing Sexual Conversations
Men always ask: "When is the right time to bring up sexual topics?"
Answer: There is no "right time." There's only readiness.
The Green Light
If she's been talking to you for 15+ minutes and seems engaged in conversation, that's your green light. It can happen anytime from there.
You don't need the "perfect moment." You don't need to wait for her to bring up dating or relationships first.
You can transition to sexual topics whenever you've built baseline rapport.
How to Transition
Simple segues work best:
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"Let me ask you a personal question..."
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"Tell me the truth about something..."
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"Okay, enough small talk. I want to get to know the real you..."
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"So I'm curious about something..."
Then proceed to your question. No big buildup. Just transition naturally.
The Progression Principle
Don't start with your most intense question. Escalate gradually.
Start with lighter questions to gauge her comfort level. If she's responding openly, move to more intimate ones. If she seems hesitant, stay in that zone or move to a different topic.
This shows respect while still moving things forward.
Level 1 Questions: Light and Flirty (Build Initial Attraction)
These questions are safe but still sexual in nature. They establish that you're comfortable talking about attraction and relationships.
Question #1: What qualities are you most attracted to in a guy?
This is straightforward. It:
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Gets her thinking about attraction
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Signals you're comfortable talking about desire
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Gives you insight into what she wants
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Allows her to describe her ideal man (possibly you)
Response tip: Listen carefully. If she mentions qualities you have, acknowledge it playfully: "Good thing I check some of those boxes."
Question #2: Are you the type of person who likes public affection?
This reveals:
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Her comfort with physical touch
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Her exhibitionist tendencies
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Whether she's reserved or expressive
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What kind of person she is romantically
Response tip: Based on her answer, you know whether PDA is welcome with her.
Question #3: When was your first kiss and how did you feel about it?
A classic that works because:
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It's nostalgic and personal
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It opens conversation about physical intimacy
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It reveals her kissing history
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It's not too intense yet
Response tip: If she answers, share your first kiss story too. Make it vulnerable or funny. Either way, it creates bonding.
Question #4: What's your favorite way to flirt with a guy?
This is gold because:
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You learn her flirting style
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She visualizes flirting (possibly with you)
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It's fun and playful
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It gives you insight into her attraction patterns
Response tip: Pay attention. If she describes something you can do, do it.
Question #5: What's the ultimate dream date for you?
This reveals:
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Her romantic preferences
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Whether she's traditional or adventurous
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What makes her feel special
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What effort impresses her
Response tip: Take mental notes. Plan something she'd love. Show her you listened.
Question #6: Have you ever had a crush on someone you worked with or someone you shouldn't?
This question:
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Is relatable (most people have)
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Opens conversation about forbidden desire
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Shows her you understand attraction isn't always logical
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Isn't too intense but hints at sexual interest
Response tip: If she shares, don't judge. React with curiosity, not criticism.
Question #7: What do you think is the key to a successful relationship?
This goes deeper into:
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Her values around partnership
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What matters to her long-term
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Communication style
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Emotional maturity
Response tip: Listen for whether she values communication, trust, attraction, or other factors. You now know what matters to her.
Level 2 Questions: More Intimate (Build Real Sexual Tension)
These questions move into more personal territory. They assume you've built some rapport. Use these when she's responding openly to Level 1 questions.
Question #1: Do you consider yourself a sexual person?
This is powerful because:
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It directly addresses sexuality
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It asks her to claim her own sexuality
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It opens conversation about desire
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It's not crude, it's asking about her nature
If she seems hesitant:
Response with ownership: "Yeah, I did, and I know it's personal. But I think it's important for people to be comfortable with their sexuality. It's completely natural, plus it's fun to talk about."
Or: "Because I think it's important for people to be comfortable with their sexuality. It's such a natural thing."
Question #2: What do you think makes a good lover?
This reveals:
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Her sexual values
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What she prioritizes in bed
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Her emotional needs during intimacy
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Whether she values communication, presence, technique, etc.
Response tip: Listen carefully. She's telling you what she wants from you.
Question #3: If you could pick one thing that makes you feel sexy, what would it be?
This is intimate but not graphic. It:
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Gets her thinking about what arouses her
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Reveals her insecurities and confidence
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Shows what makes her feel desirable
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Opens conversation about self-image and attraction
Response tip: Based on her answer, you know what to emphasize or do with her.
Question #4: Have you ever had a friends with benefits situation?
This question:
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Acknowledges casual sexuality exists
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Reveals her attitudes toward sex without commitment
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Shows whether she's adventurous or traditional
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Opens conversation about different relationship types
Response tip: Don't judge her answer. Stay curious and open.
Question #5: When was the first time you had sex?
This is personal but:
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Reveals her age/experience level
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Shows whether she was ready or pressured
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Opens conversation about sexual history
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Is information you should know
Response tip: If she shares something vulnerable (like she wasn't ready), respond with empathy. Don't make it weird.
Question #6: Do you feel comfortable trying new things in the bedroom?
This directly asks about:
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Her openness to exploration
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Her confidence in sexuality
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Whether she's willing to be adventurous with you
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Her boundaries and comfort zones
Response tip: If she's hesitant, don't push. If she's open, you now know she's game for experimentation.
Question #7: Do you like to be more dominant or submissive in the bedroom?
This reveals:
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Her power dynamics preference
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Whether she likes control or to surrender
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Her confidence in sexuality
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Sexual compatibility
Response tip: Based on her answer, you know her dynamic. You can either match it or complement it.
Level 3 Questions: Highly Intimate (Advanced Sexual Conversation)
These are the deep dive questions. Use these only when she's clearly comfortable and responding openly. These push boundaries while staying respectful.
Question #1: Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?
This question:
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Reveals her adventurous side
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Shows her sexual history and confidence
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Implies you're thinking about sex with her
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Is playful, not aggressive
If she hesitates:
"Just curious. I promise I won't judge. I'm genuinely interested in getting to know you."
Or open first: "My craziest place was... [share something]." This gives her permission.
Question #2: How long do you think you could go without sex?
This reveals:
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Her libido level
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How important sex is to her
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Her relationship to sexuality
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Sexual compatibility with you
Response tip: This tells you a lot about her needs and drives.
Question #3: What's something that secretly turns you on?
This is powerful because:
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It asks about her fantasies/desires
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"Secretly" implies she might be shy about it
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It shows vulnerability
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It's inviting her to share something private
If she's hesitant:
"There's no pressure. I'm just excited to learn more about you. This is part of knowing you."
Or: "What secretly turns me on is..." and share something to normalize it.
Question #4: What's the hottest thing a guy can do during sex?
This asks directly about:
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What arouses her physically
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What techniques she prefers
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What makes sex good for her
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Sexual compatibility
Response tip: Listen and remember. She's telling you how to satisfy her.
Question #5: What's one thing you've always wanted to try in the bedroom but haven't?
This reveals:
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Unfulfilled desires
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Her fantasies
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Boundaries she hasn't crossed
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Potential sexual exploration with you
Response tip: This is valuable information about her deepest desires.
Question #6: What's your favorite type of foreplay?
This asks about:
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What gets her aroused
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Whether she likes verbal, physical, or emotional escalation
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Her preferences before penetration
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How to set her up for success
Response tip: This is practical information you can use to satisfy her.
Question #7: Have you ever had a one-night stand?
This reveals:
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Her openness to casual sexuality
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Whether she's traditional or adventurous
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Her dating/sexual history
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Attitudes toward sex without relationship
Response tip: Don't judge. Stay curious and non-judgmental.
How to Handle Pushback (When She Challenges You)
When you ask intimate questions, sometimes she'll challenge you.
Scenario #1: "Why are you asking me that?"
This is a test. She wants to see if you're ashamed or confident.
Don't apologize. Instead, own it:
"Because I want to get to know you. The real you. Not just surface stuff."
Or: "Because these things matter. I think it's important to know what you want, what turns you on, what makes you feel good."
Scenario #2: "That's really personal/private"
Again, don't apologize:
"Yeah, I know it is. That's why I'm asking. I want to know you on a deeper level."
Or: "I get that. But you can trust me. And honestly, talking about this stuff is healthy. It's natural."
Scenario #3: "Did you really just ask me that?"
With a playful smirk:
"Yeah, I did. And I know it's personal. But I think you're worth getting to know at that level. Plus, I want to know what makes you feel good."
The Permission-Giving Opener
If you sense hesitation, open first:
"Let me go first... When I was younger, my first kiss was awful. I was so nervous, had no idea what I was doing. I like to think I'm better now."
By sharing vulnerability first, you give her permission to do the same.
Important: Don't Push If She's Not Comfortable
If after your efforts she's still uncomfortable or closed off:
Drop it. Move on.
This isn't the topic for her. Respect that. Moving on respectfully actually increases attraction because it shows you respect her boundaries.
A couple of these questions is all you need to transition from "friend" to "sexual partner." You don't need to ask all 21.
The Key Principle: Attitude Over Questions
Here's what actually matters: Your attitude.
The specific questions don't matter as much as your energy when asking them.
If you ask with:
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Shame or apology → She feels uncomfortable
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Confidence and ownership → She feels safe and excited
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Genuine curiosity → She opens up
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Judgment → She shuts down
The questions are just vehicles for your attitude.
A woman doesn't get turned on by questions. She gets turned on by a man who:
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Is comfortable with his sexuality
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Treats her sexuality as normal and healthy
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Is genuinely interested in her desires
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Doesn't apologize for wanting her sexually
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Respects her boundaries while maintaining his own
FAQ: Common Questions About Sexual Conversation
Q: Won't asking these questions make me seem creepy?
A: Only if you ask without ownership. If you ask with shame, apology, or looking for permission—yes, it's creepy. If you ask confidently assuming sexual conversation is normal—no, it's attractive.
Q: What if she doesn't want to talk about sex?
A: That's fine. Move on to other topics. Some women aren't comfortable with sexual conversation early. That doesn't mean you failed. It just means she's not ready. Respect that and find someone who is.
Q: How many questions should I ask?
A: Two or three per conversation is plenty. Don't interrogate her. Have a natural back-and-forth.
Q: Should I use the exact wording you gave?
A: Use them as templates, but adjust to your natural speaking style. Authenticity matters more than exact wording.
Q: What if she asks me personal questions back?
A: Answer honestly. This builds reciprocal vulnerability and trust.
Q: Can I ask these in text?
A: It's possible, but in-person is much better. Text removes tone, presence, and the ability to read responses. Use these questions face-to-face.
Q: What if I'm dating someone and want to deepen sexual conversations?
A: Start with Level 1-2 questions even if you've been together a while. Build from there based on how she responds.
Q: Is this manipulative?
A: No. You're not tricking her into anything. You're having honest conversations about sexuality with someone you're attracted to. That's healthy.
The Real Purpose: Moving From Potential Friend to Potential Lover
The actual goal of these questions isn't to "turn her on" through interrogation.
The goal is to communicate:
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You see her as a sexual being
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Sexuality is healthy and normal to discuss
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You're comfortable with your own sexuality
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You're interested in her desires and preferences
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You respect her enough to ask, not assume
When a woman feels that a man is comfortable with sexuality, respects her boundaries, and is genuinely interested in her desires, that's when attraction deepens.
Practical Implementation
Week 1: Practice Level 1 questions in casual conversation. Get comfortable with your delivery.
Week 2: Move to Level 2 questions. Notice how women respond. Adjust your energy if needed.
Week 3+: Use combinations based on your conversations. Pick questions that genuinely interest you. The curiosity will come through naturally.
Throughout: Monitor her comfort. If she's opening up, continue. If she seems closed off, move to other topics. Respect her pace while maintaining yours.
The Bottom Line: Sexual Chemistry Is Built Through Conversation
Most men think sexual chemistry is physical. It's not (entirely).
Sexual chemistry is built when:
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A man communicates desire clearly
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A woman feels safe and respected
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Both can talk openly about sexuality
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Vulnerability and curiosity exist on both sides
These 21 questions are tools to facilitate that chemistry.
They're not magic. They don't work if you ask them with shame, apology, or desperation. They work when you ask them with genuine curiosity, respect, and confidence in your own sexuality.
Use them. Adjust them. Make them your own. Most importantly, bring the energy that says: "Sexual conversation is healthy, natural, and something we can both enjoy."
That's when real attraction builds.
The women who are worth your time will appreciate a man who can talk about attraction, desire, and sexuality with confidence and respect. Those are the ones worth pursuing.
Start building that confidence today.